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Parenting Plan Advice All Divorcing Parents Should Ignore

websitebuilder • Jun 27, 2019

While a divorce is sometimes inevitable, acrimony with your ex over custody doesn't need to be. When you and your ex are both able to put the best interests of the children first during the divorce, everybody wins. The parenting plan you make during the divorce can lead the way to successful co-parenting as you officially separate.

What may surprise you is how many people want to weigh in with advice. You are sure to receive well-meaning faux wisdom about child custody from a variety of people, ranging from acquaintances you run into at the grocery store to single friends who don't have children. If anyone offers you the following advice about your parenting plan, simply ignore it.

Bad Advice: Always Stick to a Strict Schedule

While the parenting plan should guide the way and both parents should respect the agreement that is made, life happens. If your ex slips up and misses a pickup time, you shouldn’t always make a big deal out of it. Yes, you should set clear boundaries and enforce them. However, a big part of making a parenting plan work is being flexible.

Bring up any issues with your ex as you go along. Stick to schedules as best you can. Just remember that parents are only human. You are both sure to make mistakes along the way. The more gracious you can be to each other, the better example you'll set for your kids.

Bad Advice: Don’t Be Afraid to Play Dirty

You should never play dirty during the divorce if you have children. No matter how angry you may be at your ex, trying to get even through child custody matters will ultimately hurt your children. If you're tempted to do something just to get even with your ex, think about how it may impact your kids now or even in 20 years from now.

Since you and your ex will always have your kids in common, you will have reasons to be in each other's lives forever. Even after the children have grown up, you may need to talk about how matters concerning your offspring. You may even one day share grandchildren. Like it or not, the relationship will be ongoing, and the kids will suffer if it's an acrimonious relationship.

Bad Advice: All Parents Need to Be in Their Kids Lives

Most parents deserve to be a very important part of their children's lives. However, the exceptions to this rule are quite serious. If your ex is abusive to your children in any way, protect your kids from that abuse in any way you can. You can't collaborate on a parenting plan with someone who you fear will abuse your child during the time when they have custody.

Some parents look the other way when the abuse is not something as extreme as they envision abuse to be. They may fear that they'll be perceived as a problematic parent who's starting drama, and they may think that a judge would ignore their complaints. However, the long-term effects of abuse on a child are not worth the short-term gains of keeping the peace.

Seek the advice of a lawyer and go to court. Take any other action that your lawyer advises to protect your kids. The parent-child bond is strong, but it shouldn't be prioritized over a child's well-being. It may seem like it would minimize trauma to your children to avoid conflict, but all types of abuse should be immediately and fully reported to law enforcement.

Bad Advice: You Don't Owe Your Kids Explanations

While you don't have to explain every parenting decision in detail to your children, talking to them about your parenting plan can help them feel respected and included. They may already feel helpless in some ways because of the divorce. So, after considering the age and maturity level of each child, try to discuss the major parenting plan decisions with them.

Be sure to handle this conversation with care. If possible, include your ex. You may even plan to sit down together as parents and have a family meeting to talk about the changes that will happen based on the parenting plan. Your children are likely to have lots of questions.

Talk to your ex about how you will handle the most anticipated questions. Some questions kids may have are as follows:

Why can't they live in one house all the time anymore?
Why are they not spending more time with one parent?
What is the point of moving?
Will they have two of everything now since they have two homes?
Why is the divorce happening?

Answer your children's questions as simply as possible. When you prepare answers to most questions with your ex, you won’t overshare or reply in a way that your ex may find objectionable.

Finally, you don't have to do this alone. You most certainly shouldn't try. Seek the advice of an experienced divorce attorney when it comes to making serious decisions about child custody. Whether you’ve just considered a divorce or are ready to file, contact Hart Law Offices, PC today to speak to a caring member who can schedule an appointment for a free consultation.

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